What did I do for my . . .

You know sometimes it's very hard for me to take time for myself.  Sometimes I don't seem to have time to even put lotion on my mega dried out legs.  And why is that?  I do have time but I spend that time doing other things.  I always put myself on the bottom of the list.

Here's a good example.  For over a year I tried to be seen by an endocrinologist.  [brief history:  developed clots in legs and lungs, discovered my thyroid was hyper which might be causing my a-fib, had thyroid destroyed,  thyroid functioning normally, still going into a-fib; now thyroid is hypo (slow, people, slow) and remember when thyroid was killed by radiation - so if it was destroyed how could it still be functioning?] I figured an endocrinologist could focus more on the problems I was having with my thyroid, etc.  I went through a bunch of tests.  She gave her recommendation... how much thyroid to take, oh I have no vitamin D in my system, so I need to take that, my calcium levels are low, and I need to take vitamins.  She prescribed Vitamin D, Synthroid, Calcium Citrate, and a chewable multiple vitamin.  I took everything for maybe 2 weeks and then I forgot to take them.  Or I would remember at night but you can't take your thyroid meds at night.  So I purchased one of those elaborate pill boxes.  That worked for a week; and then I shoved it off the counter into a drawer and simply forgot about it.

I have to ask myself why did I stopped taking my meds?  Now I'm walking around like a zombie because I'm tired and feel run down.  I had my annual wellness assessment with my family doctor and guess what she said?  My thyroid is at a very low level and she wants me to increase my dose (but how could I tell her I wasn't taking the original dose so would the original dose be enough if I was taking it?), my vitamin D level is almost at 0; so I need to take vitamin D; she asked if I was taking my calcium because it didn't seem to be working and my iron levels are low.  In other words, everything was down lower than it was in September when I went to the endocrinologist.  You know the one that I battled so hard to obtain.

And I go back to the endocrinologist the last week in May.. so since it takes about 6 weeks for the synthroid to get in your system I just started taking it on Friday.  I don't want to disappoint my doctor that I didn't follow her advice, the advice that I wanted to bad.

And this happens with planning meals for my family, or packing my lunch daily (normally I don't), going to bed on a more routine basis; meditating, exercising and now even journaling (which I've always enjoyed).  I have several smash books that I love to work in but I have those packed away.  I really haven't done anything creative for fun for a very long time.

I seem to have time to play Farmville, or Words with Friends, or go blog hopping.  But I never seem to find this time for me.

I came across the above saying and it sort of slapped me in the face.  It slapped my face so hard I printed off several copies.  I'm pasting one in my journal, hanging one at work and one on my frig.  I'm hoping this reminder will help me get back on track.