- Dust Baby Bear's ass
- Sweep Baby Bear's ass with a Broom
- Vacuum Baby Bear's ass with an electric sweeper.
I mean.. if this is a major problem... Mother Bear would probably have taken a Baby Wipe, and wiped down that ass with a soothing creamy lotion tissue. And who even would think up an idea like that.
Can you imagine going to work... and so you are all gathered around the table... and your Manager states Charmin bathroom tissue sales are down... and what can we do to increase sales... and everyone tosses around ideas... and then some guy... and it has to be either a really, really young intern... or someone about ready for retirement... but definitely male.. and they say something like... "damn.. I hate everytime when I wipe my ass... it's like I have little balled up pieces of TP dangling around my rectum"... and then everyone looking at each other, strike that... all the guys looking around at each other... and nodding eagerly in agreement.. while the women gathered around the table are staring at the men with opened mouths and a look of disbelief on their faces.
And then... the Manager walks over and slaps that person on the back... telling them what a brilliant idea it is... and well... then they kick around the idea of how they are going to advertise this concept... and well.. everyone knows it's acceptable for a bear to run around without underwear... and duh....an advertising campaign has sprouted.
And... the kicker of all this is the last line of the commercial "Charmin Ultra Strong leaves fewer pieces behind." I mean they can't be bold and say "Hell... there are no pieces left behind." because then the advertising campaign couldn't be cute naked bears... but maybe a 4 star general standing by a latrine... holding a 4 pack of Charmin Ultra Strong...while a newbie is laying in the dirt... doing push-ups because he used another brand.
I mean... who's responsibility is it to maintain a clean ass? And good Lord, just imagine all the class action lawsuits that will develop from Charmin's bold claims. Because you know this is America... and somone will bring a lawsuit stating all the emotional trama and discomfort created by too many pieces of tissues. And then attorney's would have to make all those Exhibits... of little balled up tissue bits... and probably 20 x 20 pictures of rectums with dangling tissue bits, and then the exhibits would be passed to the jurors for examination... and well.. I can even see them having the jurors try the product out and then the leading competitor to see how many pieces are really left behind.
Hmmmmmmm... I wonder if they thought of this? Okay.... I'm putting my soapbox away.