What did I do for my . . .

You know sometimes it's very hard for me to take time for myself.  Sometimes I don't seem to have time to even put lotion on my mega dried out legs.  And why is that?  I do have time but I spend that time doing other things.  I always put myself on the bottom of the list.

Here's a good example.  For over a year I tried to be seen by an endocrinologist.  [brief history:  developed clots in legs and lungs, discovered my thyroid was hyper which might be causing my a-fib, had thyroid destroyed,  thyroid functioning normally, still going into a-fib; now thyroid is hypo (slow, people, slow) and remember when thyroid was killed by radiation - so if it was destroyed how could it still be functioning?] I figured an endocrinologist could focus more on the problems I was having with my thyroid, etc.  I went through a bunch of tests.  She gave her recommendation... how much thyroid to take, oh I have no vitamin D in my system, so I need to take that, my calcium levels are low, and I need to take vitamins.  She prescribed Vitamin D, Synthroid, Calcium Citrate, and a chewable multiple vitamin.  I took everything for maybe 2 weeks and then I forgot to take them.  Or I would remember at night but you can't take your thyroid meds at night.  So I purchased one of those elaborate pill boxes.  That worked for a week; and then I shoved it off the counter into a drawer and simply forgot about it.

I have to ask myself why did I stopped taking my meds?  Now I'm walking around like a zombie because I'm tired and feel run down.  I had my annual wellness assessment with my family doctor and guess what she said?  My thyroid is at a very low level and she wants me to increase my dose (but how could I tell her I wasn't taking the original dose so would the original dose be enough if I was taking it?), my vitamin D level is almost at 0; so I need to take vitamin D; she asked if I was taking my calcium because it didn't seem to be working and my iron levels are low.  In other words, everything was down lower than it was in September when I went to the endocrinologist.  You know the one that I battled so hard to obtain.

And I go back to the endocrinologist the last week in May.. so since it takes about 6 weeks for the synthroid to get in your system I just started taking it on Friday.  I don't want to disappoint my doctor that I didn't follow her advice, the advice that I wanted to bad.

And this happens with planning meals for my family, or packing my lunch daily (normally I don't), going to bed on a more routine basis; meditating, exercising and now even journaling (which I've always enjoyed).  I have several smash books that I love to work in but I have those packed away.  I really haven't done anything creative for fun for a very long time.

I seem to have time to play Farmville, or Words with Friends, or go blog hopping.  But I never seem to find this time for me.

I came across the above saying and it sort of slapped me in the face.  It slapped my face so hard I printed off several copies.  I'm pasting one in my journal, hanging one at work and one on my frig.  I'm hoping this reminder will help me get back on track.


Jackie said…
Sounds like you have decided to do what is best for you, Angie. It is hard to do for oneself especially after years of not. We tend to take care of others first, and I am glad that you have experienced the wake up call.
And, if I were you, I would simply be honest with the endocrinologist and go from where you are now. It is in the best interest of your health to start fresh and clean with her and get back on the planned prescription program she has for you.
I take meds once a week for osteoporosis. I forgot to take the pill, and then didn't take the calcium that I'm supposed to take either. That went on for a few months. Finally, I called the doctor's office and told the nurse what I had "not" been doing. She said, "We can't change what you have done, but we can start "new" today. " And I have been taking those meds since. I didn't know I had osteoporosis. I didn't "feel" a thing. A bone scan showed it. Go figure!
I say all that to say this. We can start afresh and anew today. You take care of YOU and don't hesitate to tell your doctor that you didn't take the meds but that you are starting fresh. It won't be the first time she has heard the story, and "fesssing" up will allow her to have a better picture of why the blood levels aren't where she expected them to be.
Love you,

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